Not Real
by LilFlyergirl
Summary: Through the eyes of Peeta as he's captured by the Capitol at the end of Catching Fire.
1. Chapter 1

Not Real

Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games, but I'd love to own Peeta :)

Gone.

As I watch the hovercraft disappear with the remains of the only person I am sure that I have ever loved, the pain and loneliness hit me and I collapse to my knees. She had been calling for me, and I had been too slow, and now it's too late. She's gone, and I'm here, and my first instinct is to give up... to lay down in this dirt and die like the dog I am.

I did not want this.

I cannot face this life without her. My hands tremble as they claw at my eyes. I don't want this. I don't want this. She can't do this to me...

She's gone, and she took everything I am with her.

And then, I hear it, someone crashing through the forest. Good. Who will it be, Brutus or Enobaria? Maybe Finnick... I lean my head back in anticipation, exposing my neck for a death blow. I close my eyes, taking one last look at the world. This is good. I could be with Katniss now.

"Run, you idiot!" Johanna Mason, tiny, slim and slender is heaving on my collar with the force of a wild animal.

My eyes pop open. They meet her eyes, frantic, on the point of lunacy. Her head is swiveling back and forth. "They're coming!" She shouts.

I get to my feet, towering over her. I could easily bend her over my knee and snap her in two if need be. How dare she come and interrupt my death? My two seconds of serenity in this place... I stop my hands from going to her throat. For the first time, I notice her trembling. She's frightened. Of what, I cannot fathom, but if it is something to bring her to her knees, then I will make her leave me. She should run, she should live. It is not my place to bring her into death with me. I will not kill no more. I am nothing now, I won't follow the Capitol's rules anymore. I am a broken human being with nothing else to lose. Let whatever is scaring Johanna come to me. I welcome it. I try to shrug her off of me, but she's got her fist locked so tight that her knuckles are turning white. "You have to move!" She screams at me.

"No." The word escapes my mouth in a whisper, and I lower my eyes to the ground.

Johanna stares at me. "We're dead, then. We're all dead."

I push her off of me. "You go. You win. Find Finnick." I didn't plan on leaving this arena alive, and the thought of a lonely Victor's Village with just Haymitch as company is too much to bare. Death would be an easier, sweeter release. I'm certain that Gale will look after Katniss's family. There is no need for me to return.

Johanna's scowl deepens, and she opens her mouth to say something, when she is tackled by someone in a white suit.

A Peacekeeper?

I turn and stare momentarily into the face of another before my vision turns to black.


	2. Under Pressure

Chapter 2: Under Pressure

Bright lights pound against my closed eyelids, and I feel movement beneath me. I open my eyes barely, the bright blue barely visible beneath my lashes. I'm in a bed, being wheeled somewhere by two Peacekeepers. Fluorescent lights flash above me in vertical lines. Daylight streams in through huge windows. My arms and legs are restrained to the bed with heavy leather straps. There's no way out of here yet. I peek at things as I pass by. Beautiful marbled archways, rich mahogany floors. There's no doubt about it. I'm in the Capitol.

And that's when everything comes back to me; Katniss, the arena, Johanna, Beetee, everything. I'm alone and there's no one coming for me. How I wanted to die in that arena. How I wish I had. I know this much now. Whatever the Capitol has planned for me, I'll have no part in. I'll starve myself. Cut myself, whatever is necessary to beat them at their own game. I'm done and all out.

My bed turns, and I pass under a threshold. The light is different in here. Dimmer, and there's a smell of something that I can't immediately place. They lift my bed into a sitting position, and I stare about the room. It's an office of some sort, with a big fancy red oak desk, a few recliners, and the seal of Panem painted proudly on the ceiling.

Where the hell am I?

"That'll be all." A voice says behind me. The two Peacekeepers vanish, and heavy footsteps echo in the room until President Snow is standing at the foot of my bed.

My hands ball into fists, and I lash out at the man, making horrible guttural noises that I wasn't even aware I was capable of producing.

President Snow gives a smirk, and places his hands behind his back. "Nice to see you, Mr. Mellark."

"You son of a bitch!" I growl at him, my restraints straining against the bed rails. How I want to rip this asshole limb from limb, and savor every sweet second of it...

"Yes, I know how you must see me..."

"You killed her! You killed all of them!" I am shouting so hard that spit flies from my mouth with every word.

"I believe you're referring to Miss Everdeen..." President Snow says, walks around to his desk, and sits behind it. He folds his hands neatly upon and it says, "Katniss Everdeen is very much alive."

I stare at him. What? Katniss alive? But I saw the hovercraft...

"Would it pain you to know that you were nothing but a pawn to her, Peeta? My intelligence confirms that she's been working with the rebel army."

His words burn into my brain. Katniss. Alive. Rebel army. Katniss. Katniss. _Katniss!_ Katniss is okay. Katniss is okay! My heart soars in ways in hasn't in days/ If she's alive, then there's a chance I could reach her, hold her in my arms again. And this news... rebel army? So that means that Katniss is far from here, planning to overthrow Snow! She got that rebellion after all... "Good," I spit.

"Yes, I thought you'd see it that way." Snow sighs. "Which is why I needed a contingency plan."

My eyes narrow. "_What _contingency plan?"

Snow actually smiles, "You do have a way with words, don't you, Mr. Mellark?" He rises from his desk, and walks the perimeter of his office, his eyes never leaving mine, "All of Panem fell in love with you, didn't they? Even dear Miss Everdeen. But these people are stupid, and she's their ring leader. We cannot survive a war, an uprising if you will. If we all kill each other, who will be left to rule? People need their Capitol, Mr. Mellark. Without us, it would be utter chaos."

"Without you, we could think for ourselves, for the better." I say.

"Would you? And how long would that last?"

I don't answer. I don't want his words to make any kind of sense to me.

"In an hour, you are going to have an interview with Caesar Flickerman. You remember him, don't you?"

I give a curt nod.

"Excellent. You're going to demand a cease fire."

"And if I don't?" I ask.

"Well," Snow says, "then things will get very unpleasant for you. And how do you think Miss Everdeen would react to that? We're just waiting for her, Peeta." His eyes bore into mine. "_I'm_ just waiting for her. She's a very passionate young woman. Any sight of that gorgeous braid, and I mean one strand of hair, and I will cut her throat myself."

My hands are balled into fists so tightly that my fingernails are cutting into my palm. I know Katniss would risk everything to rescue me without thinking twice. And she'd be walking right into Snow's clutches. If Snow hurt her, if he even breathed at her funny, and I was chained up in here, I know I'd go berserk. I'd burst veins or ventricles in my heart struggling to get free, and then I'd be lost, and Katniss would be in the Capitol's hands. I can't let that happen. I won't let that happen. My brain works fervently. There has to be a way I could spin this. There has to be some way to keep her safe. That is my dying wish. For Katniss to lead a long and healthy life. I won't make it out of here alive, for that I'm sure. But Katniss is not here, and she still has a chance. Right now, I'm resigned to appear to agree with Snow. I sigh deeply. I have no other choice. "Okay," I whisper. "For Katniss."

"Excellent," Snow smirks. "You can come in now." He calls to the door.

An array of Capitol stylists file through. They're not anything like my old prep team. There's six in total, each bizarrely dressed than the next. I guess talk of war does nothing to hinder these people's extravagances. But, they're not welcoming, nor do they even speak to me.

"Clean him up." Snow barks. "It's nearly showtime."


	3. Tremble for My Beloved

Chapter 3: Tremble for My Beloved

"Well, well, Mr. Mellark. Seems the camera loves you." Snow said as I was thrown back into my bed after the interview with Caesar. One of the Peacekeepers unnecessarily elbows me in the gut and I eye him like a caged lion. If only these straps were gone...

"Take him back to the room." Snow says as I'm being wheeled away. He says something else, something I vaguely hear... it sounded like hijacking... I'm certain that's what it sounded like. But hijacking what? Katniss's army? The rebel base? _What? _I can't demand my bed be turned around, roll right up to Snow and demand he give me clarification. For now, I need to keep my eyes and ears open...

I must have have drifted off to sleep. Soft footfalls greeted my ears. My eyes opened, and I was greeted by the most beautiful sight I could have ever dreamed of. Katniss was here, in my cell, her belly swollen. A long white silk dress brushed the floor with each step. On her face, she held a gorgeous smile, and her eyes never left mine.

"Katniss?" I whispered. How could she be here? I'm dreaming. I must be dreaming, there's no possible way she could be here. But she walked to me and sat on the edge of my bed. I could feel the pressure of the mattress move beneath her. How can this be real?

She reached over and took my hand, and I could feel the heat from her body. I could feel her fingers twine through mine and place my hand on her stomach. It's warm, it's so warm...

How can this be real?

"Peeta," She whispered. "Hold me."

And I oblige. I find my hands no longer bound, and I bring her to me, wrap her so tight against me, and she twirls her arms around my neck. I buried my face in her hair and breathed her in. How can this be real, how can she be here in my cell? Everything about this scenario tells me that this is just a dream, that Katniss is far away. But for the moment, I don't care. She's here and all I want is to hold her forever and keep her safe. As long as we're together nothing can stop us.

Who knows how long we stayed like that? She breaks apart from me, stares deep in my eyes, and once again places my hand on her stomach. "Our baby," She whispers.

A frown crosses my face, and I snatch my hand away. What is she saying? How can this be my child? She and I had never made love. I get up from the bed, and walk to the far side of the room. Who had touched her, then? Gale's name tops my list. _But this is what you wanted, _my subconscious tells me. And yes, I did want her to go and have a child with Gale. But only if I were dead.

"Peeta," She says softly. "Don't..."

I turn to her, and she sits in the center of my bed, staring down at her hands. The look is so pitiful, that I turn and walk to her, and she holds out her hand to me. I clasp her small hand in both of mine, and bring it to my lips. And I'm suddenly full with memories...

Katniss walking in the door of my house in the Victor's Village with fresh game. Hearing her say she loves me. Sketching her by the fire in the hearth. Holding her close. Sleepless nights of love making. Cuddling in bed. Hearing her say she was expecting. Being the happiest I have ever been...

My brows knit. These memories can't be real, how can they be when we just left the arena? She releases my hand, slides to the floor before me. She reaches her head up, and kisses me. All of the cloudiness in my head floats away, and I wrap my arms around her waist. How I missed her... she jumps up and fastens her legs around my waist. I stumble forward from her weight, and lean her back against the bed. There's not an inch of space between our bodies, and a low moan escapes her lips. I struggle to contain myself. I want her so bad in this instant, but I have to resist.

"Peeta," She whispers, trailing her hand down my chest.

I catch her hand and bring it to my lips. "I love you." I whisper, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. I don't want her to disappear without telling her one last time. I couldn't bare that. When I do wake up from this dream, and I'll be alone again, I want to die knowing that maybe somehow she heard me.

"I know," She says softly and reaches up to tousle my hair. "I love you more."

"Where are you?" I ask.

"Right here." She says. She takes my hand and places it over her heart, and I can feel its steady beat, feel the thin fabric beneath my fingers. But this is impossible. I'm in a room in the Capitol. My bed is right over...

I freeze. No, I'm not in the Capitol. I'm in my home in the Victor's Village. There's a fire in the hearth, and the sweet smell of stew drifting through the air.

I remove myself from her, and walk to the dining room table. It's solid oak. The fireplace is rough stone. How can dreams be this vivid? Am I dying? Am I dead?

I sit at the table and place my head in my hands. I was in the arena. Katniss was taken by hovercraft, but Snow says she's alive, and moments ago I was in the Capitol, being held prisoner. Katniss is here, and we're in my house in District 12. She's carrying my child. I have memories of a life with her. Katniss places a bowl before me, and gives my shoulders a squeeze. The smell is intoxicating. It's her favorite stew, the one with the dried plums.

My brain struggles as it tries to separate fantasy from reality. I'm in the Capitol. I know I am. There's a rebellion starting. Katniss is with that army. She's not here, cooking me dinner and rubbing her belly. She's somewhere else, and she's missing me...

The room is getting lighter. The table before me is glowing bright and changing... the walls are vanishing. I look around and find the familiar emptiness of my cell in the Capitol. I'm here, alone, my arms and legs tied to my bed. Not even the sweet smell of the stew hangs in the air.


End file.
